169. I made a friend I can't speak to.
Strangers that become important pieces of our life puzzle, especially while living abroad.
We moved to the French countryside in June last year, and when we first arrived, we didn’t even know how to pronounce “bonjour” like the locals do. You could smell from a mile away that we were foreigners and that we didn’t belong to anyone’s family tree.
At first, my boyfriend and I depended on Google Translate and had no idea how to build a basic sentence. Nobody understood what we were trying to say, and we had to repeat our sentences full of doubt until we heard the magic words: “oui, je comprends.” We live in a tiny village in rural France, and not a soul speaks English or Spanish, so we’re forced to face the language barrier head-on with no easy way out. However, I won’t lie... when someone does indeed speak one of our mother tongues, it makes life a tiny bit easier and we take the opportunity to say as much as we can.
Since we live in the middle of the countryside, our social plans are a little different from what we used to do when we lived in Barcelona. We’ve swapped speciality coffee shops for boulangeries, and we’ve changed going to Muji and Chandal for vide-greniers. The French play in a different league when it comes to second-hand shops or any type of thrifting. There are charity shops everywhere here—literally. And none of that “vintage” stuff that’s overpriced. People even arrange events where you can swap clothing, but this is mainly for children’s clothing, which I think is fantastic. The ressourceries here are incredible, and my winter wardrobe is in full swing thanks to this type of shopping. God bless France for being able to buy thick, good-quality wool turtleneck jumpers for 3 euros.
Thrifting quickly became one of our favourite activities to do together, and we slowly but surely began to find all of the best shops within a 60 km radius of where we live. As anyone who’s been second-hand shopping knows, you need to visit the same shops regularly because there’s no set stock—it’s a first-come, first-served dynamic. Some days you’ll leave empty-handed, and other days you’ll leave with a blue IKEA bag full. It all depends on your luck and how good you are at seeking out great finds.
Ressourceries (recycling centres in English) only open on Wednesdays and Saturdays in our area, so we generally go out on both of those days on what we call our “date days.” We rotate between our top three ressourceries that are close by, and we’re now on a first-name basis with the people who work and volunteer in them. However, today I want to talk specifically about our friend Alpha.
Alpha is from Bissau and works in the random objects section (as I call it) in the biggest ressourcerie we like to shop at. There’s one person in charge of each section who looks at what you’ve chosen to buy, sets the price and then holds onto your things while you go to the till to pay. Then you go back to the section with your receipt and pick up your beloved new found objects.
Where Alpha works, there’s a clothes section, an electronics section, a kids’ toys section, a sewing section, a furniture section, a books section, and an antiques section; and they’re all treasure mines. Alpha’s section is our favourite because there’s no limit to what you can find there. This week, we found kiwi saplings, dinnerware, mugs, bikes, Christmas trees, and tiny knick-knacks I wouldn’t be able to classify. It’s our type of heaven. But back to Alpha.
We met Alpha over a year and a half ago and have always spoken to him in our broken, terribly pronounced French. Even though we couldn’t understand each other very well, knowing each other’s names was enough for us to be friends. Our conversations rarely went past the “Salut! Ça va?” phase, but our smiles and fist bumps showed that we enjoyed each other’s company twice a month in our shared meeting place. Alpha would sometimes give us things as gifts, going the extra mile to make us feel like we were part of his heart, and as two young people living in a foreign country, this really meant a lot to us.
Time went on as usual, and so did our visits to the ressourcerie until September this year (one year and three months after moving to France and meeting him). This time, we took my mother, who is British, and introduced her as ma mère from Angleterre. Alpha welcomed her in English and said that C was a gentleman and that I was a lovely person (in English). This was the first time we ever heard him speak in English, and for some reason, we never thought that he might speak more English. Even after hearing him pronounce these sentences in our native language, it didn’t click in our brains that we could communicate in this other language rather than in French.
When we went back a couple of weeks later, I told him that my mother had returned to the UK, and he replied with a question: “Why don’t you speak English if your mother is English?” To which I replied, “But I do speak English, Alpha!” And just like that, our friendship was about to transform. It turns out that Alpha is fluent in English, and we’d been butchering the French language every time we saw him. We now speak to each other in English and have become closer friends than before because we’ve been blessed with the ability to communicate beyond “Hey, how are you?”, “Good! And you?”, “Good, good!”.
As I walked around the ressourcerie today after saying hi to Alpha, I took a moment to realise how lucky I am to feel like this complete stranger from the other side of the world makes me feel at home. We’ve gone from waving to handshaking to fist-bumping to our first hug, which happened today. That hug felt like the million hugs I’ve not been able to receive from any of my friends who live in Spain since being here. I walked around his section in the recycling centre, looking at mugs and Christmas decorations, thinking about how it’s the people that make us feel like we’re at home—nothing else.
Alpha and I weren’t able to communicate on a deep level because of the language barrier, and to this day we know nothing about each other. But he will continue to give me the nicest bags he has behind the counter as gifts when I go to pick up the objects I’ve bought in his section, and I will continue to take him Spanish turrón as a gift and Shazam the reggae music he is always playing through the speakers. Maybe one day I’ll know about his family or where he lives now, and maybe one day I’ll be able to tell him what I’m doing living here in the middle of nowhere in the same foreign country as him. But for now, I’m grateful to feel like I belong here because a local person has taken me under their wing and made me feel at home.
Last Monday, I announced that I had activated paid subscriptions for POMELO, and I have been in awe all week that four people signed up for annual subscriptions. My heart is absolutely full of gratitude, and I have to pinch myself to believe this is real. Gracias, gracias, gracias, de verdad.
POMELO paid subscribers will be able to read the paywalled posts, which (for now) will be every last Monday of the month plus any extra posts I decide to share, like I did last week. I have created an Early Bird Offer that gives you 20% off your annual subscription forever, meaning that you will pay 3.33 euros a month. If you would like to read these essays and support my writing, this is a perfect chance to do so.
I’m extremely excited for the upcoming year and these changes, I already feel full of motivation and creativity, which I have missed for the last quarter of the year.
The following combo has changed my skin completely and I know that it’s something I’ll be sticking to because 1. I hate using hundreds of skincare products and 2. when something works and I enjoy it, I find it hard to switch things up. I’m a creature of habit I guess.
The combo is: 5-7 drops of jojoba oil + 1 drop of castor oil (I only add this at night because it’s sticky) + 2 drops of frankincense essential oil. If you can buy organic, cold pressed oil then even better.Films I’ve enjoyed the past few weeks: When Harry met Sally, Midnight in Paris, You’ve got mail and I also watched the whole The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings saga and I adore. Next on my list is Sleepless in Seattle, The Before Trilogy, The Rings of Power series and Day of the Jackal. They’re all very different choices but each one hits a different spot. And now that it’s officially the Christmas holidays, it’s time to watch things on the sofa in front of the fire.
Today I’d like to recommend
’s books, I’ve read them all and love them all, but I also love her newsletter and think you will enjoy it too. Her latest post “Seeking faith” inspired me to write my first paid post about my 2024 roundup. Her writing on the other hand is something I, for now, can only dream of producing. Give it a read 🫂
Last but not least, I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas and remind you to take care of yourself and tread lightly during this strange period. Everyone’s Christmases look different, but I’d dare to say that they’re a very turbulent and stressful time for everyone. Remember to time to take care of yourself in whatever way works best for you. I’d also like to recommend
’s latest essay about spending Christmas with your parents (and or other family members) and going back to the OG wound, as she calls it. We all? have this OG wound to some degree, and Christmas tends to rub against it, reopening it if it’s not fully healed.
Thank you Emily! ❤️
Que bonito