168. My 2024 roundup: It's been hard but it's been fun.

I waited for summer and it never came.

I started off the year refusing to buy a new planner and waiting until the third week of January to finally accept that it had to be done. I couldn’t keep fighting the whole world and remain stuck in December 2023.

I spent a lot of time sitting on the sofa reading books and getting lost in other people’s stories to avoid my own sadness and inner cold. I was full of cold, and being underdressed didn’t help. I hadn’t yet discovered thick wool jumpers and was still living in hoodies, which are completely useless when it’s below fifteen degrees.

The longer I remained still, the less energy I had. I would refuse to leave the house to go on walks with C, and I would die at the thought of leaving the fire’s side. The new year and all that it entails happens in the dead of winter, and I was really wintering last year. I was going through something I still don’t fully understand, but what I do know is that I didn’t give myself grace.