Thanks for sharing your story! It's really nice to hear a perspective in which the not-in-sync periods are common and normal in a loving relationship. I'm similarly a step ahead in my relationship and am only just realising that "the wait" isn't intrinsically bad. It's a place of being sure that the person I am with is the right for me. If you look at it without external pressures; it's a lovely place to be at. So where is the rush, really? The rush could be a result of insecurity and not trusting that your chosen one is doing their thing to hopefully at a certain point be in sync with you. Which... is just painful and pointless. So thanks for sharing your view on it! Makes me feel like I'm not a lone and it's actually a pretty cool club. :D
Everyone has their pace and we sometimes get caught up in thinking it all has to be 50-50, and a lot of the time it isn’t, and that’s ok too. I’m glad you enjoyed this essay, thank you for leaving a comment! 🫂
Honestly, and this is gonna be very personal, brief romance with a polyamorous guy in his thirties (I was 23) thought me a lot about relationship, expressing and fulfilling our needs, and learning that true, healthy love doesn’t require “merging” into one - it’s about meeting somewhere inbetween and doing relationships the way the couple (or… polycule) wants and feels best. To move in together, to marry, to have children, to have shared finances - those are called “relationship escalator”, often imposed by the society. Ditch the external pressures and do relationships how you and your partner want, in your own ways, at your own pace!
People say that because women want kids, and after a few years, someone should for sure s*** or get off the pot and let the woman go find someone who does want kids w her because as you point out it can take a long time to get to that point with someone.
I definitely get this. If I were single and looking for a partner now, I’d most probably be more inclined to this way of thinking. But we had time and we kind of still do, but as you reach and pass 30, it’s definitely a complete different story.
I have always thought the same about the idea that people should live their own individual lives and then choose whether they want to share them with the right person. There is no point in becoming "one" person because I think you inevitably lose part of your identity. You still need to see your friends alone, have your own time, and do things independently. My mum has always told me this: in this life, we’re alone, but we can choose to surround ourselves with people. That is the beauty of any relationship: you see each other grow.
As for different paces, after a few months of dating my now-boyfriend, I was sure that I loved him and wanted to try to build something with him. It took him a little longer to accept that he felt the same way. Sometimes, the hard times made us realize that our relationship was worth fighting for. Our relationship is still young, we're still getting to know each other. We are both focused on our growing careers, but I know that when the time comes to face difficult questions about the future, we will think about us and try to make it work. Love is all about wanting to make it work.
I just woke up and this is the most beautiful, raw and amazing piece I read in a while. It’s incredible the way you expressed yourself and your relationship with words, I feel like my eyes are completely open now.
“When you’re in your luteal phase” sent me 😆 Great, honest piece!
Made me wonder if you’ve heard of human design? It’s possible that when you’re together, your partner energetically “connects” your chart, and you don’t connect his.
There’s nothing wrong with it, just something validating and nice to be aware of! To find this out you could get your charts for free at jovianachive.com and compare the two.
It’s been a big help in my current relationship :-)
I do know about human design and had mine done, it's really interesting. However in the reading there was no relationship part so I have no idea + my partner hasn't had his done. I'll look it up though! Although I may not understand it all because man is it complex without someone to go through it with you haha.
I much rather make you the ring than buy you the ring. Apart from that, I'm glad that our random but common friend helped me put a face to "Emily".
I’m so lucky, but so are you so we’re both blessed
Thanks for sharing your story! It's really nice to hear a perspective in which the not-in-sync periods are common and normal in a loving relationship. I'm similarly a step ahead in my relationship and am only just realising that "the wait" isn't intrinsically bad. It's a place of being sure that the person I am with is the right for me. If you look at it without external pressures; it's a lovely place to be at. So where is the rush, really? The rush could be a result of insecurity and not trusting that your chosen one is doing their thing to hopefully at a certain point be in sync with you. Which... is just painful and pointless. So thanks for sharing your view on it! Makes me feel like I'm not a lone and it's actually a pretty cool club. :D
Everyone has their pace and we sometimes get caught up in thinking it all has to be 50-50, and a lot of the time it isn’t, and that’s ok too. I’m glad you enjoyed this essay, thank you for leaving a comment! 🫂
Honestly, and this is gonna be very personal, brief romance with a polyamorous guy in his thirties (I was 23) thought me a lot about relationship, expressing and fulfilling our needs, and learning that true, healthy love doesn’t require “merging” into one - it’s about meeting somewhere inbetween and doing relationships the way the couple (or… polycule) wants and feels best. To move in together, to marry, to have children, to have shared finances - those are called “relationship escalator”, often imposed by the society. Ditch the external pressures and do relationships how you and your partner want, in your own ways, at your own pace!
You're completely right <3
Oh wow
I read every single word
Very much relatable especially since social media is getting to confuse us about,'who an ideal guy is"
The main goal is someone who makes us happy and brings out our inner child.
Thank you, Sekemi :) And you're totally right!
I will always admire you guys and the way you go about things. Always.
This means so much to us, thank you friend. We miss you <3
People say that because women want kids, and after a few years, someone should for sure s*** or get off the pot and let the woman go find someone who does want kids w her because as you point out it can take a long time to get to that point with someone.
I definitely get this. If I were single and looking for a partner now, I’d most probably be more inclined to this way of thinking. But we had time and we kind of still do, but as you reach and pass 30, it’s definitely a complete different story.
Thanks for leveling w me!! :)
Games are not just entertainment, they are windows to understanding the world and others.
——Playing with Reality (written by Kelly Clancy)
My romantic heart! 🥹 This is so beautiful, Emily! Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you so much for this lovely comment 🥹🦋🫂
I have always thought the same about the idea that people should live their own individual lives and then choose whether they want to share them with the right person. There is no point in becoming "one" person because I think you inevitably lose part of your identity. You still need to see your friends alone, have your own time, and do things independently. My mum has always told me this: in this life, we’re alone, but we can choose to surround ourselves with people. That is the beauty of any relationship: you see each other grow.
As for different paces, after a few months of dating my now-boyfriend, I was sure that I loved him and wanted to try to build something with him. It took him a little longer to accept that he felt the same way. Sometimes, the hard times made us realize that our relationship was worth fighting for. Our relationship is still young, we're still getting to know each other. We are both focused on our growing careers, but I know that when the time comes to face difficult questions about the future, we will think about us and try to make it work. Love is all about wanting to make it work.
Honestly, this was the best text I read this month. I had to come back here and re-read. Thanks for that.
Wow, thank you so much 🥹
Ah! This is so wholesome and sweet and it makes my heart ache in the sweetest way possible. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU
Awh! Thank you! 💙
Emily! You have so much wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for reading!
I just woke up and this is the most beautiful, raw and amazing piece I read in a while. It’s incredible the way you expressed yourself and your relationship with words, I feel like my eyes are completely open now.
Thank you so much.
This is such a beautiful comment, thank you so much! My heart is full! 🥹
“When you’re in your luteal phase” sent me 😆 Great, honest piece!
Made me wonder if you’ve heard of human design? It’s possible that when you’re together, your partner energetically “connects” your chart, and you don’t connect his.
There’s nothing wrong with it, just something validating and nice to be aware of! To find this out you could get your charts for free at jovianachive.com and compare the two.
It’s been a big help in my current relationship :-)
I do know about human design and had mine done, it's really interesting. However in the reading there was no relationship part so I have no idea + my partner hasn't had his done. I'll look it up though! Although I may not understand it all because man is it complex without someone to go through it with you haha.
It sure is! There are some good resources / people on IG though.
this was so beautifully written and showed up on my feed at the perfect time, when i needed to hear it most. thank you so much for sharing ❤️
I’m glad it found you at the right time ❤️
Thank you for such insight and warmth. Learning from and leaning into your story.
Thank you for reading and for leaving me a comment 🩶