154. Humans hate change, h8 it.

I love it but it's hard when you didn't choose it.

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke about the cosmos messing with us and forcing us, at lightning speed, into change. Pretty much everyone I know was going through something that, now looking back, was forcing them to either continue being as they were or face change.

We’re afraid of change because we, as humans, like things to remain the same. It makes us feel safe. When we know that things are going to be the same tomorrow as they are today, we feel like we have a hold on the cosmic laws and are in control of our lives. If you think about it, humans make a lot of decisions based on how safe and in control they feel. People don’t have children until they feel like they have enough money and a stable job. People buy a house to feel like they own something that’s theirs forever. People build routines to do the same things every day and know what will happen hour by hour. People go on walks in the same area because they feel comfortable with that route and know what to expect around each corner. You can’t blame us, really. If you lean into the whole "surrender and let life surprise you" vibe, life really does surprise you. The house you thought would be yours forever gets taken over by the bank, the stable job and savings you had been setting aside for children get spent on a life-or-death matter, and the walk you love to go on is closed because of construction. We’re constantly being forced to face change, and sometimes the events are so small we don’t notice them. But other times, the cosmos smacks you in the face, turns your life upside down, and makes you ask what you did to deserve it. The answer is always, “That’s life.”

(song dedicated to Gala and Geeps)

We forget that we’re here to soak up every experience we can. We learn much more when we’re uncomfortable and in pain than when we’re treading lightly and comfortably. The whole “getting out of my comfort zone” thing exists for a reason. We think we do, but we don’t like being comfortable. Being in the same job for forty years usually leads to burnout and boredom. Living in the same house your whole life makes you want to go on holiday to explore new places and feel new things. Doing the same things every day because of a schedule feels monotonous, like we’re zombies. Most people get bored in their marriage or relationship after three years because they think they need more fun, more adventures, or more spontaneous feelings than what their stable partner is giving them. But what we really need is to feel that life is flowing through us and changing us. It forces us to face the music and learn. It shows us how resilient we are. It makes us realize how strong we are. We have the power to be flexible and adaptable. It’s in our nature. This whole “stay in the same place, do the same thing, and be the same person until the day you die” is what’s going to suck the life out of you. Letting life penetrate every cell in your body, transforming you every day is what will keep your heart beating.

That being said, are we used to change? Are we comfortable with surrendering to the cosmos’ laws and letting life fall apart before our eyes according to plan? The answer is no. We hate it.

We spend so long building things only to see them fall to pieces without knowing why. We took each step slowly and with precision, but it all ended up combusting and disappearing. It did that because it had to. I hate to say it, I really do, but everything has a lesson in it. Most of the time, we have no idea why things happen, and you don’t need to spend your life overanalyzing every single event, looking for a reason or a lesson. However, you can lean into it, accepting that it had to shatter and walk away knowing that it’s okay and that you may gain insight as time passes.

Life is constantly falling apart, and in reality, our reason for being here is to build things back up again, day after day. The cosmos throws curveballs and blows on your house of cards, and we spend each waking moment problem-solving, feeling, thinking, and looking for new routes. We think we know everything and that we’re experts, but we’re all just doing the best we can with what we know and seeing where it takes us.

photo taken by my dear @angelaonche

I’ve been feeling like I’m falling apart for some time now. I feel like I can no longer write as I used to, and I haven’t been feeling the same things I’ve felt for the last three years writing this newsletter. My body and mind were telling me to step away and pause, but this morning, the day before publishing day, I felt the desire to write.

I had a plan and a specific idea in mind for weeks, and I’d been trying to put those thoughts and feelings into words. But every time I tried, I felt blocked and closed. The plan I had needed to be put away and forgotten until its time comes, which I don’t know when will be. I didn’t plan this essay, but in the end, this is what gave me freedom and helped me feel like I can write and enjoy it again. I usually follow the same method: I sit at my desk and type on my MacBook until it’s done. Then, I tap away at the keys until it’s edited. I read and re-read it, easily fifteen times, and then I schedule it to be published on Monday. But my plan hasn’t been working. Every time I opened my laptop, I felt writer’s block and got distracted. Every time I sat at my desk, I felt heavy and bored. Every time I tried to do the things I always do, my plan failed.

It wasn’t until I decided to let it all go that the words came to me at nine a.m. while lying in bed. I typed them into the Notes app on my phone and felt them flow through me with ease. I had a plan, but the cosmos had another one for me. I could either keep fighting and pushing against the closed door or save my strength and walk toward another door. In this case, it feels like I’ve opened a small window in the attic, and the house is being flooded with fresh air and light, something I needed.

1. Jesús
   and I have a joint newsletter called
   poda.server
   which is also the name of our new joint project. It’s a book recommendation service without AI, all human to human, and we’ve just published our first bookworm interview with a very special person called pagesbymaria on the internet. You can read it here. You should also follow María’s book Instagram here and her YouTube channel here. She’s a persona solare and we need more of those in our lives.

2. Siempre digo que

   carlota 🦎
   se sale con la habitación compartida, pero la de esta semana ha sido corta e intensa. Muy intensa. Y me he sentido vista, arropada y querida en todo el tiempo que he tardado en leer el escrito de su amiga Henar. Somos muchas mujeres las que hemos tenido que aguantar a hombres asquerosos que piensan que su pene no tendría porque quedarse oculto en sus pantalones. Léelo aquí.

3. ¿Soy muy fan de

   teresa avendaño
   ? Sí. ¿Quiero leer más sobre su viaje de luna de miel a Japón? Sí. ¿Creo que deberíais de leer su último post sobre su viaje a Japón? Sí. Aquí lo tenéis.

4. I’ve been a walking ball of writer’s block lately, but this essay by one of my faves,

   Ava
   , really made me feel seen and helped me take it all a bit slower. I tend to forget that I’m writing for myself and that I am enough. I don’t always need to go into a deep philosophic hole, I can just be me and share where I’m at. Isn’t that why people are here anyway? Read Ava’s essay here.

5. My biggest dream is to become a mother and create a family with C,

   Jesús
   , so a lot of my time is taken up by me reading about being a future mother. I love
   Haley Nahman
   and now that she’s a mother, I love reading what she has to say about it, like a lot. You can read her essay Childless vs. child-free here.