98. We all want to feel seen.

About desiring to be seen and giving others and the world our attention.

As Chuso runs around the garden playing with the dog, I see him glance at me to check if I’m watching him. Seconds after he sees me looking at him, he looks up to the guest bedroom window around the back of the house to see if his mum’s watching him too. 

As I walk over to Alex cutting the weeds in the garden, I see that he’s seen me. His back straightens, he moves the trimmer with more energy and precision and smiles while doing it. He knows that I’m stood here looking at him. 

As mamá tastes her first pistacho macaron she looks at me to make eye contact and to nod letting me know how much she’s enjoying it. 

As I paint the bathroom walls a creamy yellow colour, I hear Chuso climbing up the stairs and heading towards the bathroom I’m in. I wait for him to come, I get excited, he’s coming to see me paint.

We all want to be seen. Not because we need validation or praise but because we want to share our feelings with others. Chuso wants to share the fun of chasing the little white ball of a dog around the garden with a stick that’s much too big for such a small dog’s mouth. He makes eye contact and within a second we smile at each other because we’re both enjoying the moment and no words are necessary for us both to feel it.

Alex smiles and feels energized when he sees me watching him take care of the garden. Not because he seeks attention but because we’re both seeing how he’s helping and giving his time and effort to us as a gift. He’s using big noisy garden tools for the first time and overcoming thoughts and feelings he’s never dealt with before and I’m standing from a distance accompanying him. He’s smiling because he feels seen and I’m smiling because I feel grateful for him doing it.

Mamá wants to show me she’s enjoying the five different flavor macarons that I bought for her. She’s taken a small bite of each one and put her energy into tasting each flavor and telling me what she thinks of them. She is telling me which she prefers, what the texture’s like, how cute they are as we’re sat together in Starbucks drinking a flat white each. She’s chewing and telling me with her eyes how she feels, how much she likes them. We’re both giving our attention to one another and seeing her enjoy my gift makes me happy. No words are needed, seeing her enjoy the taste and eat them all with a smile is communication.

It’s easy to look at someone, but it’s not the same as really paying attention. When you connect with what the other person’s doing you can feel their energy. You can see that they want to be seen and connect with you too, to share what they’re feeling with you. When we cook a meal for friends or family, we all look around the table at other people’s gazes searching for information that’s non-spoken. We all want to connect and to know.

For me, showing people that I see them, that I’m tapping into their energy, that I’m seeing their efforts and joy is a form of giving them my love. I look up from my book, I pause my conversation on WhatsApp, I take a moment from writing. I give them my time and my full present-moment attention; that’s me loving them. I’m giving them something that I’ll never get back, time. I’m giving them my most valuable asset, my attention. And I’m seeing them do whatever they’re doing without judgment and with my heart. I’m connecting with them and letting them tell me how they feel. 

Every night in bed my boyfriend and I read our books before falling asleep. I always find myself looking up from my book and observing him read. I watch his eyes move along the lines of the page, I watch him chew the inside of his cheek as he’s concentrated, I observe his hands and how they’re holding the book. I really stop and look at the small details. I see his tiny freckles on the sides of his forehead, I see the blonde hairs in his trimmed beard, I see his brown curly hair tickle his shoulders. And all I can feel is pure love because I see him in his purest form. 

I wish more people would really stop and observe other people and life in this way. There are so many small things that we miss because we look too quickly or always want to move onto the next thing. This doesn’t have to only be applied to people, we can observe the exterior world the same way too. We can see how the leaves move slowly with the wind, how butterflies flutter their wings hidden in the flower beds, how the floor feels under our feet as we walk, how the wind slowly caresses our skin and tickles us as we sit outside, what the warm water feels like in the shower, what the food smells like when we’re cooking, how soft the bed feels as we get in it to sleep.

There are so many details we miss because we don’t look long enough or give them our attention, and when we begin to look in this slower, more attentive way, we uncover a whole new world and our hearts fill up quickly and easily.