92. Insecurities are based in fear.
But our mind doesn't have to be a scary place.
I remember one time my boyfriend and I went to a shopping centre and I wanted to know if they stocked a certain brand. After looking up and down, my boyfriend suggested to ask the shop assistant and get a straight answer. My reaction to this was to wish I’d never even suggested entering the shopping centre. The thought of walking up to someone, getting their attention, asking them a question and having to listen to their reply was nerve wracking. I hated social interactions. I avoided them at all costs. I feared people talking to me on the street, I feared ordering a coffee at my favourite coffee shop so I’d never go alone—I know what it feels like to feel insecure.
I used to have a lot of fear based thoughts and they ruled my life every day. I thought every other girl was prettier, smarter or more interesting than I was. I thought that I was too tall yet not lean enough. My Andalusian accent wasn’t flattering like other Spanish girl’s accents were. My freckles weren’t cute enough, why couldn’t I just have “plain skin”? I could have listed dozens more of things that were “wrong with me” but the problem with that is that I’d never know when to stop.
As fashion evolved, I’d think I wasn’t trendy enough. I wasn’t wearing the winged eyeliner, I didn’t have enough gold jewellery, I didn’t have seven different winter coats, I didn’t have new bikinis each summer, my skin wouldn’t tan like everyone else’s… I again wasn’t enough. My grades weren’t good enough so I wouldn’t get into the degree which would make me successful. I didn’t have the new iPhone, I didn’t buy the designer bag everyone had, I didn’t get my nails done each month, I didn’t…
When you live your life hoping for all of those things to make you feel more confident, you’re condemning your life to a constant quest of “things you need” to be as good as everyone else. Existing gives you the right to deserve love and compassion and unfortunately the only person that can give you that in its purest state is yourself.
I have insecurities, every human does. But that doesn’t mean that we’re less than anyone else. Who decided that what another person is or what someone else has is better than what you are or have, anyway? Think about that for a second.
I admire many people but that doesn’t mean that I have to be like them. I respect people’s jobs and careers but that doesn’t mean that I have to follow their path. I’m interested in other’s opinions but that doesn’t mean that they have to be the same as mine.
Insecurity is based in fear and fear makes you feel small and powerless. The world becomes scary and dangerous when we live in fear. Confidence can only come from within and when we feel confident in our bodies and minds, we expand and tread with strength instead of trying to go unseen. When we are confident in who we are, being seen doesn’t bring danger with it because we are able to stand our ground and flow with whatever happens.
Confidence has to come from the inside. No amount of money, no job title, no car, no house, no designer bag, no exclusive sneakers and no iPhone will cultivate long lasting confidence. They may give you confidence spikes, like when you wear make up and a new dress out for dinner, but if you can’t love yourself when you’re at home naked, it’s not working. It’s okay to feel insecure, I do too, we all do. But we can change that narrative by speaking to ourselves in new ways like by paying attention to what we unconsciously say whenever we take a selfie “I look terrible, take another” or when we look in the mirror “I feel disgusting, I need to get changed”. Whenever we catch ourselves saying something mean to ourselves, say out loud “hey, don’t insult my best friend”—You wouldn’t say those things to your best friend would you? So why do you say them to yourself? Teach yourself to speak with kindness, make an effort to love yourself as much as you’d love anyone else. You deserve it.
We think other people have got their lives sorted, but we all have our own insecurities and we all suffer. Nobody is looking at you and thinking all of the negative things you’re creating in your mind. They’re actually probably being nice to you and you should too.
