81. When to settle for less.

It's not always a bad thing. You can be happy when you decide to stop searching for more.

The idea of “settling” on something usually means that you’re accepting less than you deserve or you’re settling for something that isn’t as good as it could be. This idea can be useful in some circumstances and for some people, but it can also be a dangerous idea to live by. 

It’s not healthy to think that the future will always be better and that life could always be improved, yes it probably can be, but does it need to be? Do you need a bigger house? Do you need a newer car? Do you need the latest laptop? Do you need to earn a lot more more money? Do you need to lose more weight? Do you need to be prettier? Do you need better clothes?

I’ve been living most of my adult life thinking that when I’m older I’ll be better off. When I’m older I’ll have more money. When I’m older I’ll have an idyllic house. When I’m older I’ll live in the best neighborhood to send my kids to school in. When I’m older I’ll be fitter and more good looking. When I’m older I’ll snowboard every day all winter. When I’m older I’ll have the money to travel to the other side of the world. But will I? Do I need to? 

What if I were to accept that, today, in this moment: I’m healthy, I’m pretty, I’m strong, I have a good job, I live in a beautiful house in the countryside, I’m able to work remotely, I have found my passion or my ikigai and I don’t have to monetize it, I have a great relationship and great friendships, I feel calm and stress no longer rules my life, I can afford to buy and read lots of books, I can afford to go to therapy, I can walk in the countryside every day if I want to. 

What If I were to accept that there’s no better place for me right now. For me to accept that the experiences that I’m living are perfect for me and I don’t need to constantly look for something better. Would it be bad for me to say I want to settle with what I’ve got right now? I don’t think that I’m accepting less than what I deserve or want, but I think I need to let go of the idea that the future will always be better and more grandiose. Maybe it’s all in my head. This could be the peak of my life and I may not even know it. If I constantly desire a picture-perfect future that may never arrive, what do I do with the present moment that I’m living in that actually is special? Is it not worth it because I’m not pushing hard enough to get that dream cottage in the countryside that costs a fortune but is prettier and more aesthetic than the one I currently live in? 

My idea of “settling” for what I have now and stop longing for this idea of a dream life doesn’t mean that I’ll drop everything and “stop trying”. It doesn’t mean that I’ll stop growing and learning as a person. It doesn’t mean that I’ll stop being curious and making the most of being alive. It just means that I’ll be able to live in the present moment, appreciate it, love it, feel grateful for it, remain open to new experiences and see where they lead to. Maybe further down the line I’ll want to live somewhere else and I’ll move to a different country or home, but that doesn’t mean that it will be better than what I’m living now. It will mean that it’s a different experience equally as special and perfect. 

Living in the present and ignoring the existence of a future allows you to soak up what you’re living and genuinely feel like what you have now is great. Maybe one day you’ll have more, but it doesn’t mean that it will be better. Maybe one day you’ll have even less than you have now, who knows, that might make you feel lighter, happier and freer. They’re different experiences, not better or worse ones. All of them are different yet useful for you to explore. 

I have no idea where or who I’ll be in five years time and I don’t need to know. I’m now at a point in my life in which I’m able to let go of those ideas and expectations and let myself be. But at the same time I’ve been clinging onto the idea of my dream future, my better future, the better life I’ll give my kids, the bigger and newer house I’ll live in, the perfect fit and healthy body I’ll inhabit. Those ideas serve me no good and I no longer want them to be a part of my life’s experiences. I want to accept that every day I’m growing, I’m reading, I’m learning, I’m traveling deep into my wounds to heal them, I’m learning to be a better person, I’m learning to love, I’m learning to take care of my mind and body, I’m learning to be more active, I’m learning to listen to my intuition, I’m learning to rest when I need it, I’m learning to express how I feel and what I want from my own experience without judgment. Those are the things that will take me forwards to a different life in the future. Those are the things, I personally, want to guide me towards my “dream-life” and that can only happen if I let go of the pictures in my mind and let myself grow towards what I want and need at a natural pace. 

If you’re looking for change or if you know clearly where you’d like to be and you’re not there yet, maybe this essay won’t resonate with you at this moment because you’re surfing a different wave. But if you are content with your life and you’ve reached the goals you set yourself in the past, know that it’s okay to say “I’ve reached what I wanted to get”, “I’ve achieved what I set out to achieve”, “I’m where I want to be” and let go of the idea of “I need to improve” or “now that I’ve got this, I need this”. You’re allowed to stop, rest and enjoy where you are now. You’re allowed to “settle” with what you have for as long as you want to and savour every second of it. Stopping may allow you to find the next direction you’d like to take or it may even allow you to realize that you’re extremely happy staying where you are. 

Modern day humans live locked on autopilot and we never allow ourselves to stop and just be. Allow yourself to stop, to rest and to look around and the things you usually don’t pay attention to. Observe, feel and digest. You don’t need to constantly work towards a better future, a better job or a better life. Settling for what you have right now isn’t always a bad thing.

❤️‍🩹 THINGS I’VE BEEN LOVING

• I love Olivia Dean so here’s her new music video

• Michelle Choi’s vlogs always make me feel calm

• This video about a couple that moved into an akiya house in Japan for 300$ a year.

• A song called “la pestaña que soplé” by Judeline

• A great film: Modelo 77

I haven’t really read any articles/essays this week and I don’t have any cool items to share.

I’m currently reading Calypso by David Sedaris, my last read was Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 10/10 ⭐️.