42. My body is more than sex appeal.
I'm tired of trying to fit in.
This week’s topic is about the human body and how it’s worth so much more than just sex appeal.
I’m the first person to have complexes with my body: my freckles aren’t round and perfect enough like the ones people draw on their face with make up or get tattooed on. My toes are ugly and my hands are always dry and chapped. My teeth were crooked, my wavy hair is never wavy with defined curls for more than 10 minutes… We can all find a ton of problems with our body if we look hard enough (sadly).
I don’t want to focus so much on that, but more on the reasons why we analyse ourselves like this.
This week, I came across a Spanish influencer called @croquetamente__ who blew my mind with a video on Instagram. She spoke about how people with a thinner and more accepted body in society isn’t the best body to be proclaiming “body positiveness” because we’re already accepted by everyone around us, we fit into the established canon. Yes, we have insecurities and some aspects of our bodies make us feel uncomfortable, but we fit in.
This is something I’d never thought about before. I’ve never been bullied or shamed because of my body. I may have been bullied for many other reasons, but never because of my body. So would me and my normative body be the best vehicle to talk about body positiveness? Not really, I already have a space in society’s canon: in the “normal-slim body” group, but other larger women and men don’t and they also deserve their own place in society’s canon where they’re allowed to be themselves. They are as entitled to it and as worthy of it as anyone else is and they are fighting for it. People with a more normative body can support them and stand by them, but not take their place.
This idea @croquetamente__ shared got me thinking about my own body and how I treat it. I paid a little bit more of attention to what the voice inside my head was saying, and it wasn’t very kind. I am very aware of my mental health and that’s what we could call my priority in this stage of my life, but a year or so ago, my physical body was where my main focus of attention was. Not for aesthetic reasons, but because I had very poor health. I worked on myself a lot and made a lot of changes in my diet (most of my problems were coming from my gut) and since I healed that, thinking about my body has been pushed to the back of my mind and classed as “solved”.
It feels like I’ve forgotten how powerful and what a perfect conjunction of systems my body is. It has been keeping me alive for 24 years, it adapts to each situation I put it in, it repairs itself as I sleep, it allows me to feel emotions and connect with other people, it allows me to think, to learn and to grow. I have a menstrual cycle which can bring a new life into the world, I am able to turn food into energy, I am able to hear music and nature’s sounds, I’m able to see the beautiful world I live in… the list could go on and on.
My body is so much more than an outer shell to impress other people and make myself feel like I’m a part of the “cool-hot-sexy-attractive-pretty” gang. Why do we all focus on this part so much? Why is our body fitting into society’s canon the aspect we value the most?
We’re constantly, and most of the time: unconsciously, comparing ourselves to other people who we think are attractive. We look at their skin, their hair, their style, their flat stomach, their thin legs, their thigh gap, their perfect nails… and then we start to plan how we can achieve the same “look” - Why do we feel the need to adapt ourselves to be like someone else or like a group of people who aren’t us?
I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m not slim enough, that I need more abs, that I need a bigger bum, that I need leaner thighs, that I need super dewy skin, defined and non-frizzed curls, no glasses, bright white, straight teeth… it’s all too much effort to impress other people and to try to fit in.
To be honest, I’ve never fit in anywhere. I’ve always been the weird one, the unpredictable one, the one who always has an opinion, the rebellious one, the loud one, the tomboy, the one who is always changing her mind… why would I want to start fitting in now regarding my body? I don’t fit into any other box, who cares if about one more that I can’t tick off.
I’m almost 25 and I’m only just starting to value my worth as a woman and human. My body is so much more than what society wants me to make it be. I’d rather keep it healthy so it’s actually useful and durable rather than “cute”.
I think I’m cute anyway, so who cares what anyone else thinks?
It’s getting more and more difficult to “fit in” nowadays anyway. Most of the people we obsess over on the internet have monthly facials, rhinoplasties, breast enlargements, stylists who pick out their outfits, make up and hair stylists with the best products at hand, lip filler, cheek filler, a personal trainer, a dietician, edited photos… you name it. We’ll never truly know what their 100% natural self is like when they wake up each morning with bedhead and sleep in their eyes, when they’re on their period and bloated, when they’re sweaty and red in summer, when they’re pissed off with the world and have a resting bitch face, when sit at home in tracksuit bottoms and messy hair (real messy hair, not perfectly styled hair to look “messy”), when their sleeping with their mouth open and dribbling, when they’re eyes are red and swollen from crying, when their sick and look terrible, when they have lettuce stuck in their teeth after eating lunch… normal, common, human things.
We can keep trying to fit in and fighting against ourselves to be “one of them” or we can let go and be ourselves. This doesn’t mean letting go of the reins, this means giving our body what it needs to be healthy and its best version. I’m not you and you’re not me, so we don’t need to do the same things, have the same workout and beauty routine or even eat the same food. We need to cater for what we need as individuals and then, we’ll probably end up finding people with whom we have common characteristics or lifestyles.
But this is not a one size fits all world, as society wants us to believe it is.