“Books will always be there” this is something my friend Soph said to me last week when I told her that I hadn’t really been reading much for the past two weeks. In fact, I haven’t really done “anything” these past two weeks apart from pack and unpack boxes, clean the old and new house, rearrange furniture, work, go shopping to stock up on food and stuff for the new house and think about my very long to do list.
I’ve been feeling a little bit guilty about not reading but my brain power is focussed on other things at the moment and most of the time, it just wants to sit and stare at the trees and mountains from the new house’s terrace (which I’m not complaining about).
Whilst I was speaking to my family over the phone yesterday, they asked me what it felt like to be in the new place, having left Barcelona and it suddenly struck me that it feels like I never lived in the city. It feels like a distant memory that happened years ago with no feelings attached to it yet, I imagine these will come later on once I settle and start to think about it a little bit more.
At the moment I feel like I’m in this empty space of nothingness. I’m not thinking about the past or the future and not even about the present really, I’m just staring at trees and mountains thinking “wow, this is all really green”. Another thing I’m currently loving is sitting in front of the fig tree and staring at each and every leaf thinking how fast they’re growing and how amazing nature is. That’s where my mind is at right now, I can’t focus and submerge myself into a novel’s plot, I can’t write POMELOs fluidly, I can’t even live inside my own brain in the same way I used to two weeks ago.
Everything feels like it’s on hold, as if I’m in a period of transition in my life, waiting for the waves to settle and become a calm sea. I feel like I’m disconnected from reality and sat on a big rock hypnotised by the waves crashing against the shore whilst I just sit and wait for the still water to arrive, which somehow, I know will because it always does.
Life is simple at the moment, I have no distractions and no impulses. I feel the need to sit and stare without thinking, to sleep a lot because I’m exhausted, to have long, deep conversations and to look forwards to the next day, to then probably do the same.
While I’m writing this I’m thinking that this seems awfully boring but in reality, I feel like I’m meditating and floating on a cloud. The feeling of worry has popped into my mind a few times, will I feel like this forever? But I’m pretty sure that the answer is “no”, it’s just a little space in my time line where I need to float around on this cloud and wait for my brain to engage again and tell me that it’s ready for everything.
But for now, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts because books will always be there.
me ha encantado!!☺️