187. We're all addicted to the worst case scenario and creating drama in our minds.

One of my next steps is to rewire my brain to think about all of the good things that could happen, and most probably will happen, because let's face it, the worst never comes to worst.

I was sitting in the garden applying acupressure ear seeds, so I opened the Photo Booth app on my Mac to use as a mirror to see if I’d put them in the right places and if they were stuck down evenly. I hardly ever use Photo Booth so whenever I do, I scroll through the random photos and videos I’ve taken over time.

I found a video of myself sitting in the kitchen recording a conversation I was having with my boyfriend, C. I can’t remember doing this, but it seems like we were talking about something I wanted to remember.

I watched the two-minute video and remembered what it was about. It was back in December when I’d got my first paid writing job and when I’d turned on POMELO paid subscriptions and had received a few paying subscribers. In the video I say, “I don’t know why I was so scared to do this before” to which C replies “because you weren’t ready.” Everything seemed easy in that moment once it had all been done.

Four months have passed since I recorded that video and all I can think of is how this same pattern repeats itself time after time: We fear anything new, we worry about it, we stress over it, and a lot of the time we have no idea how to face or handle it. But once it’s happened and is a part of our life, we wonder why we were so scared of taking the step in the first place.

What “new things” have I faced and grown through so far this year?