179. They're not haters and they're not hoping for your downfall.

Ditching fear, hustle culture, and the evil eye because living in fear is exhausting.

I used to fear the evil eye—I became obsessed with it. I believed that if I showed the world my successes, I’d be doomed. I was told that whenever I saw someone beautiful walking past me on the street, I should stare at the ground; otherwise, I would infect them with my evil eye. I was taught to work hard and suffer in silence, only revealing my accomplishments once they were complete. I was warned not to speak too soon, lest I jinx my progress, and never to share my ideas, as others’ jealousy could curse me.

These beliefs led me to close in on myself, withholding my life from others. If even my dearest friends and family members could ruin me, why say anything? If I couldn’t trust them, who could I trust?

I became terrified of my own thoughts. I filtered every fleeting idea while listening to others speak, fearing that a single negative thought could send bad energy their way. I was scared that I might be the one who jinxed their exciting news. Whenever a friend shared their future plans, I would try to clear my mind, afraid that my attention alone could attract negative forces. I moved through life as if I were invisible, careful never to disrupt anyone’s path. I couldn’t bear the idea of being the one to blame.

It took years of therapy, self-reflection, and trust exercises to unlearn this mindset. Even if the evil eye is real, I now understand that I have a choice in whether to believe in it. I once had an unhealthy obsession with karma, too. I remember walking down the street, picking up other people’s litter, not out of kindness but out of fear that “God” would punish me with bad karma for ignoring it. I put “God” in quotation marks because, back then, I imagined a powerful man watching over me, keeping score of every single thing I did, but I no longer see God that way.

The stories of the evil eye and karma were passed down to me by people who didn’t fully understand them—and, more importantly, who were living in fear. I didn’t realize that at the time, but I do now.

When you live in fear (as I have for most of my life, and still do on occasion) you feel as if life is happening to you, not for you. You feel powerless, as though everything is out to hurt you. You feel small, defenseless, and vulnerable, without a support system. These beliefs and feelings dig so deep, you begin to fear life itself. Each day becomes an opportunity to either make or break you, but living in such extremes is unsustainable.

The other day, I came across a photo on Instagram that made me angry, inspiring this entire essay. It reminded me of what it was like to live in fear of life itself and other people.

please don’t believe any of this

This post makes me feel like people are out to get you, to steal from you, to hurt you, to ruin you. That the moment you share your dreams, others will conspire to crush them. That showing your true feelings makes you a target for ridicule. That vulnerability invites betrayal. That you must protect yourself because “haters” are always lurking, waiting to see you fail.

I can’t stand this way of thinking. It makes me angry because I believed this narrative and became my own worst enemy.

Fear isolates people. It erodes trust. It convinces us that we have enemies when, in reality, we may not. Fear makes us manipulable because we crave safety, and while some motivational posts claim to inspire, they often reinforce this fearful mindset. The idea that you must “work in silence” and only reveal your success is a flawed way to approach life. You do not need to suffer alone. You do not need to navigate uncertainty in secrecy out of fear of jinxing your progress. What does jinxing something even mean? In my experience it simply means to protect yourself from telling others you’ve failed, but we all fail, constantly. There is no shame in failing or not achieving what you’d hoped for. Failure is simply redirection and there’s so much knowledge to be found in not getting what you expected on the first go. Whoever doesn’t understand this has clearly never tried.

God, the Universe, or whatever higher power you believe in is not waiting for you to share your hopes and dreams just to crush them. In fact, if you lean in to your spiritual self and trust that good things will come your way, they most probably will. Everything takes time. Just because it doesn’t appear when you want it to doesn’t mean it’s not making its way to you through paths you’ve never imagined.

Most people in your life are not your enemies. If someone sends you negativity or jealousy, maybe they aren’t the best person to keep in your circle—but that doesn’t mean everyone is out to get you. I would never wish bad energy upon someone. If anything, I’d light a candle for you, pray for you, imagine your home filled with good luck, and celebrate with you when your dreams come true. If you didn’t get what you wanted, I wouldn’t secretly rejoice in your failure. And I like to believe that most people feel the same way. If someone does in fact celebrate your failures, that tells you more about them than yourself.

All this to say that I refuse to believe that people are constantly hoping for my downfall.

imagine hating me while I’m crying over a sunset

Taking it back to the Instagram post that inspired this essay, another thing I want to touch on is that I’m tired of hustle culture and the glorification of overworking. The idea that waking up at 5 a.m. makes you more productive—or somehow superior—is exhausting. I’m tired of social media being a highlight reel, not because people want to share their best moments (which I love to see), but because they feel pressured to present their success as a “checkmate” to others. Achievements shouldn’t be about proving yourself. There is just as much value in failure as there is in success.

Some of my biggest growth moments have come from failures, and I know I’ll fail a thousand more times throughout my life. But I see no shame in sharing those experiences too. In fact, I wish failure was more visible online.

Tell me about how you started training for a marathon and realized you hated it. Tell me about the time you started a magazine but never finished it. Show me how you fell fifty times on your skates before landing the trick on the fifty-first. Talk to me about how you went through a crisis in your marriage, broke down walls, and built new ones that are stronger and more stable.

That’s where the gold is. That’s where we learn how to be better people, friends, and partners. That’s how we break free from this fear of perfection and comparison—because we’re no longer measuring ourselves against gods and goddesses, but against real, mortal human beings who struggle and fail just as much as we do.

Life isn’t about appearing perfect. It’s about being soft, about allowing ourselves to be helped, about connecting with others. It’s about sharing stories, learning from collective experiences, breaking down, and allowing ourselves to be rebuilt. It’s about showing how hard things are and doing them anyway. It’s about embracing the process and inspiring others to take their first step.

None of us have it all figured out. We’re all shooting arrows in the dark, hoping one lands in the right place. And there is no shame in that.

When we embrace this mindset, we stop seeing life as a competition and start recognizing each other as teammates. So let’s abandon the toxic idea that everything must be done behind closed doors, only revealing our lives as if they were magic tricks. There is nothing more beautiful or inspiring than trying, failing, and trying again—until, one day, we succeed.

1. Instantes de paz de

   Andrea
   - This made me so happy and my next pomelo is inspired by her and our time together in Lisbon (more on that next week).

2. If you don’t like this, I will die: Pre-order now by

   Lee Tilghman
   - Talking about dying, I’m dying to read Lee’s memoir about being an influencer and walking away from it because of the reality of sharing your entire life and self online.

3. Entre la órbita y la aldea de

   Alba Álvarez
   - I felt extremely seen with this essay. It reminded me of when I lived in La Rioja in a tiny aldea that changed my life and how I still live in solitude now, just in a different part of the world.

4. What is rotting if not rest? by

   Haley Nahman
   - Lovvvvved this.

5. The weekend by

   Alejandra Smits
   - I would restack, quote and share every text this person writes, but I try not to appear crazy online.

6. Thoughts on health and creativity by

   Liz Galarza
   - It’s still winter and we’re still to some degree hibernating and recovering from summer and autumn which feel like lifetimes ago. The good news is we’re so much closer to spring.

7. Ese amor era yo de

   soycloto
   - Talk about ripping my heart into a thousand pieces and then putting it back together in a more loving way.