170. What I needed most while trapped in an abusive relationship.
My story, my learnings, me needs and my insight.
I was in a toxic, abusive, violent and terrible relationship for four years of my life and now that all of that belongs to the past, I’d like to share some insight about what things could have helped me in case you know someone going through something similar. And if the answer is yes, you do, I’m sorry for them and I’m sorry for you. It’s hard, really hard, but you’re not alone.
I was in this toxic relationship from the age of 14 to 18 years old and of course, a lot has changed since then. I’ve grown up, I’ve healed wounds, I’ve gone to therapy and I’ve matured. I don’t wish to go back and change anything and I don’t feel any type of regret about the past because I do believe that one way or another, it led me to where I am today and it shaped me into the person I am as I write this—and I’m proud of who I am and what my life looks like now.
Unfortunately, someone I know and care about is in the middle of a toxic relationship and my super power is being able to understand what they’re going through. If I had to name one thing I’m grateful about having lived that experience, it’s that I can imagine and understand how this person I care about is feeling and what they’re having to put up with. I know with every cell in my body how hard it is to fight every day and to not lose yourself as the other person tries to squeeze every part of your essence out of you. I know what it feels like to think you’re going crazy and that you’re imagining reality. I know what it feels like to forget who you are and slowly die inside. I know what it’s like to walk on egg shells and constantly say or do the wrong thing no matter what. I know what it’s like to become hyper-vigilant and become an expert at reading other people’s body language, trying to anticipate what’s coming next, full of fear.
No matter how many years go by, a part of me can remember those things as if they happened yesterday, and that’s why I will never ever turn my back on someone going through the same situation.
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