107. The arrival of autumn and slowing down.
Each season brings different things.
As I sit in the kitchen writing this, I feel peace. The room is lit with candles, some tealights on the windowsill and three chunky candles next to me on the wooden dining table. It’s eight p.m. and it’s dark outside, there are no lampposts lighting up empty streets and there are no cars rushing people home after work. The cows next door have gone into their barn to sleep and the animals that are now coming out to play are doing it in silence.
It’s been raining all day on and off, the weather hasn’t fully let go of summer yet but it knows that it’s time to lean into autumn. This afternoon, as the strong winds shook trees, I stared out of my window at the tiny leaves flying around the garden getting ready to cushion the soil from the harsh winter cold. The trees know that summer is over and it’s time to let go of what belongs to the past season. In nature everything has a purpose and no human needs to help them remember what job to do next. The trees know when to loosen their grasp on the leaves, and the fallen leaves will do their job in protecting the soil and decomposing to become compost to feed the place they came from.
Humans have fallen out of this natural cycle. We try to live every day of the year as if it were an eternal summer. It’s when we feel happiest, most lively, most energetic, most connected to others. Surrounded by colourful fruit, golden sunny skies, tanned skin and wet hair, long days, time off work and usually in a decompressed state. Once this season is over we return to a September full of routines and “back to school vibes”. We begin to plan our lives in our agendas and fill our days with to do lists. We reset as often as we can and we fight against what’s on its way: the dark and cold months.
The dark brings out what’s hidden inside which isn’t always easy to face. We spend more time indoors and more time alone. The cold weather isn’t as inviting to make late night plans. We leave the office after dark and walk home full of gloom, the day feels like it’s over sooner yet we want to go to sleep at the same time as we do in summer.
As I make myself a herbal tea in the candlelit kitchen, I look up above the sink to see pitch black windows. The trees and rose bushes that I know are just a few metres away can no longer be seen. The outside is following one rhythm and I’m indoors following another but I’m slowly easing into the outdoor one. I’m following nature's cues to allow myself to fall into the natural cycle I belong in. The harsh winds, the changing weather, the falling leaves, the absence of singing birds, the early nights are all telling me that it’s time to look inwards, to remain still.
The next few months have great purpose but I can’t run away from them as I used to do in my busy city life. I’d wear a coat and curse the cold weather while trying to keep moving forwards, I’d never stop. This year I know what to do, it’s my second autumn in the countryside. It’s not my first time anymore, I’m ready this time around. This season isn’t just for woolly jumpers, pumpkin spiced lattes and “fall vibes”, it’s for slowing down, reflecting on the abundance summer brought, looking back on the year and taking note, feeling present and grateful for what this year has brought. It’s time for meditating, in whatever form that may be, to listen to what our inner voices need. It’s time to ease into the hard trials that the colder months will bring. Autumn is a time of transition, preparation and reflection.
Don’t fight what’s coming. Allow yourself to sit still, to listen, to feel. Give your body and mind what it needs and rejoice over what has passed and what’s still to come. This year is coming to an end and we still have time to soak up what we’ve learned, experienced, lost and gained. All parts of the cycle are necessary and have great value, allow yourself to let go and get lost in yourself. You may find more than what you were looking for.
It seems silly to share this text knowing what is going on in the world but after spending hours and days reading and watching videos of what’s happening in the Middle East, maybe this pomelo will be as soothing for you as it was for me in the moment I wrote it. As I write this paragraph I can confirm that my mind isn’t at ease and I don’t feel as I did then. My head feels swollen from so much information and my gut feels sick from so much hurt and hatred.